Instead of Going to China

“Everyone has a plan ’til they get punched in the mouth.” ~ Mike Tyson

As I’m no longer going to China I have had to swiftly move on to Plan C. Which is to frantically apply for all the jobs on the internet while trying to get back into writing freelance and working on setting up a training and consultancy company. And tinkering with my ideas for a book to lend a bit of light relief.

I’m also praying that my lawyer manages to secure me a settlement from my ex-employer, and soon. There have been a frustrating number of false starts on that score already.

It seems likely that I’ll at least end up in a different city. Most likely London since it seems to be about the only place in the country where anybody is recruiting for any role that even vaguely matches my skill set. But I’m not going to count any chickens this time; not until I’m safely ensconced in a new home and I’m going to work every day.

I’m alternating between feeling upbeat and positive about looking towards a fresh start. Some days I feel confident that I’m very employable and perfectly capable of rising to this new challenge. I spend others in a state of blind panic, worrying that I’m never going to get another job in this economic climate when most of my experience is in areas that are being cut, and with my abysmal health record. On those days I’m convinced that myself and Natalie Portman are going to end up homeless and facing starvation.

And then the panicking in the comfort of my own living room leads on to panicking about whether I’m really going to be able to hack it in the working world again. After all I struggled with having to be sane within a rigid time frame when I was working before, even without all the unnecessary obstacles that the company threw in my way.

That’s why I’ve decided to work on this consultancy idea. If the idea takes off the way I’m expecting working for someone else will just be temporary, I’ll eventually be able to work for myself and create my own timetable. And I should be able to charge enough for my services to not have to work full-time hours, because basically, if I cover the same areas as I do in my current role, and only charge the client half the price, that still adds up to a pretty decent amount of money. Even if I ended up having to work say four days a week it would still ease some of the pressure on my poorly brain.

I just need to get myself off to some conferences now and do some networking. Conferences and networking have usually resulted in people trying to hire me directly instead of through my employer anyway.

There’s a self employment Plan D in the pipeline as well, but for that one I need to carry on learning about web design and marketing. I don’t have the skills to put that one into practice myself yet, and paying someone else to do it would eliminate the financial benefit for so long that it hardly seems worth it.

And if all else fails I can always hope that my novel takes off à la Fifty Shades of Grey – I should maybe start adding in some sex scenes – or that the book based on the same premise as this blog becomes the next How to Be A Woman. Don’t worry, I’m not pinning any of my hopes here.

I just really wish that I could fast forward through this scene of my life until I get to the bit where things have been resolved and I can feel a bit more settled. I can’t remember the last time I was able to just get on about my life without having to be afraid all the time that something terrible might happen.

I’m just going to have to work on my patience I suppose.