I thought I should say some more about mirtazapine as it’s part of this blog’s title.
I’ve been on this noradrenergic and specific serotonergic antidepressant since May now and only have good things to say about it.
It took a bit of getting used to. As I said at the time, the first dose was like taking a ultra-potent tablet dose of marijuana. Within half an hour my legs couldn’t hold me upright, my thoughts were vague and mellow, and I had an insane attack of the munchies.
After that I had pretty massive mood swings for the first few weeks while I adjusted to being able to feel things again. It felt a bit like very rapid cycling bipolar.
I was also tired all the time and only managed to stay awake for about eight hours a day. I don’t know if this is related in any way to the fact that my dreams were like spending a night at the cinema, action packed and vivid.
Once that wore off I went a bit manic. I’d be awake for several days on end writing furiously because my mind kept whurring.
It was all worth it though to have depression lifted. Not completely lifted, but enough that I stopped thinking about killing myself all day long. And it worked wonders for my anxiety. I could go outside again without having to run home five minutes later because I was having a panic attack.
Now, eight months on I’m become immune to most of the side effects.
The only thing I really have to think about now is that once I’ve taken it and fallen asleep, I can’t be woken by man nor beast until it’s worn off again. So I have to schedule in nine or ten hours sleep per day. And that I should probably start doing something about losing some of the weight that I gained as a result of the food cravings.
The pay off is more than worth it, however, because this drug has given me my life back. It hasn’t fixed me completely, I still have the underlying issue of the PTSD, and the fact that I have a lifetime’s worth of repressed feelings and memories to reprocess, but I’m a world away from where I was at the beginning of the year in terms of just straight forward functionality.
And I suppose it’s good that I like the drug, as I can see that I’m going to be on it for a long time yet. I’ve noticed if I’ve forgotten to take a dose that I soon get anxious and agitated again, so there’s a long way for me to go yet. But for the mean time I’m very happy with my mirtazapine, I think it’s one of the most positive things in my life.