It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. – Alan Cohen
Instinctively I have always known, even when I was a small child, that life is movement and change. Possibly because I had in my parents such perfect role models for how not handle growth, progress, and new experiences. Always resistant, resentful, and reactionary. Possibly it’s simply that, in those who have it, wanderlust is innate.
I think I was also heavily influenced by the works of Jack London, I read White Fang so many times that my first copy fell to pieces, C.S. Lewis and the Brontes.
Oh, and the Animals of Farthing Wood.
I liked any stories that drew strongly on the natural world.
As I’ve grown older I’ve aimed to put the lessons I learnt from nature about growth and adaptation into practice. Even the flower, rooted as it is it to the ground, must move toward the sun. With this in mind I have never hesitated to uproot myself to different parts of the country, and even the globe, in search of new experiences to help me grow.
Until recently I’d never stayed in one job, one place, or one social circle for all that long. Then I had my breakdown earlier this year, and finally accepted that I had depression and complex PTSD.
Ever since then I’ve been afraid of change. I’m been trying with all my might to hold on to the present to stop it moving, to try to keep everything exactly the same in the hope that it would provide me with a foundation to rebuild my sanity upon.
I realised today that this is why my depression scores are getting worse week on week when I visit my therapist. That this is why I’ve been so hopeless every day for the last week. I’ve been trying to rebuild myself on a foundation made of rocky ground, and I need to grow past it if I’m going to make any more progress.
Where I’m at right now is only feeding my illness. I’m not getting any of the things that I need to grow, either personally, professionally, or spiritually, and it’s making me more and more frustrated.
It’s time to ring in the changes.
I’m looking for a new career, a new home, and a new outlook.
- Where Would I Be Without C-PTSD? (makeupandmirtazapine.com)